Dreaming of parents can be a reflection of an issue with your actual parents that requires attention, it can be a reflection of the relationship of your inner parent with your inner child or it can be both. Only you will know which it is, and with the help of the dream, will know how to correct it.
The relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship that you will ever have. If you cannot be unconditionally loving towards self then this will be reflected in your outer world and within the chakras. It was once said that we do not have relationships with other people, we have relationships with our own belief system. I can’t recall where the quote came from but it seems so very true. Our thoughts create the reality that we live in. What is personal development if not a continual adjustment of our thoughts for it is thought that leads to feeling, action and to the results that we get in life. Something to remember however is that our thoughts do not create truth.
The goal of all personal development is to raise our consciousness to the level of a master. In this work dreams are incredibly useful. Dreams will show you the dynamic between various aspects of your consciousness so that you may move them towards harmony and integration.
So what is the inner child and inner parent?
To put it simply, when we refer to the inner child we are referring to aspects of our consciousness that are stuck in the past. These aspects of consciousness can be “frozen” at certain ages or into certain beliefs that the conscious mind no longer holds true. The job of the inner parent, which is really our conscious mind, is to parent these aspects into adulthood – that is, the point that we are at consciously in the present moment so that they integrate and grow with us as we continue to develop and refine our consciousness.
We may often dream of our inner child and what it requires to grow up only to be presented with it again and again. This is not that you have failed in “unfreezing” and developing your inner child, it is that you have succeeded and are now working with the next frozen aspect.
I have experienced this many times. I worked often with my inner child by visualising my sacred garden where we would meet and interact. Whenever I visit there during meditation my inner child appears at whatever age the aspect is I’m working with. One never knows what to expect when they enter the garden, it could be a small child 2 years old or a rebellious teen. I recall a particular sequence which I would like to share. I had spent days coaxing my inner child to trust and learn from me, it was hard work, but she became a beautiful angelic child that definitely acquired much wisdom. The next day when I visited my sacred garden I was confronted with (pardon the phrase) the child from hell. It was then that my own teachers appeared to explain to me that this was a new frozen aspect I was dealing with. Not long after raising that aspect, a boy of about 6 appeared in my meditation and continued into the dream state. He was crouched in dark corner as if terrified and hiding. It took me well over an hour to coax him out, one can never use force. I took him into my sacred garden where the angelic child was still to be found playing on the swings. She totally took charge dragging him to the swings and started teaching him while I enjoyed the flowers not particularly paying attention to her – my way of showing that I trusted her and thought her capable. In a short time she called to me not understanding what was happening, the two children were merging into one another from the hands and arms. Once I told her it was ok and to allow it they became one and that aspect became integrated as I hugged her to congratulate her she merged into me. Once the inner child is grown up she can then assist you but eventually they disappear because they become integrated into your present moment consciousness. These aspects may have been frozen in this life or lives past so you may not always recognise them.
The question is how do you parent these inner children?
Looking at how you were raised and how you raised your own children, if you have them, will give you clues to your parenting style. According to Joshua David Stone there are two ways of parenting; an egotistical way and a spiritual way. Egotistical styles include being too firm and critical or being too permissive by being too loving and spoiling. The preferred spiritual style is to be a firm but loving parent.
When a parent is too critical what is really occurring is child abuse. This happens during times of self talk, often without you being aware. If you listen carefully to what you say to yourself you can consciously step in and stop this from happening. Just doing this is a great step forward towards self-love. If a parent is too firm, too disciplinary, and critical the child will feel unworthy and deflated – in other words you will have feelings of unworthiness so this is very closely linked to self esteem issues. If you are too loving and spoiling the inner child will have an inflated ego and become spoiled, rebellious and have tantrums. Learning spiritual values and parenting your inner child in a firm but loving way will produce a well-adjusted, strong, loving and balanced child/inner self.
If you have had critical outer parents or have been a critical parent to your inner child you need to now step in and begin giving your inner child the protection and love that s/he needs. This child will need a lot of love, encouragement and nurturing. Do not go to the other extreme however and become too permissive and spoiling. If your inner child has had a permissive parent up until now s/he will be acting out and will require some tough love. In this case the child has had more power than the parent. You must reclaim your personal power and let the child know that you are in charge. Put some boundaries and discipline in place while making sure the child knows that they are not their behaviour and that they are loved unconditionally. By developing your inner parenting skills you will become a better parent to outer children too for these parenting styles are applicable to both. Working with the inner child both during meditation and in the dream state can be very rewarding and can improve your self esteem, confidence and sense of worthiness. Spiritual gifts may also arise from working with the inner child for sometimes these aspects of consciousness can have knowledge we have not been able to access for a very long time. My own inner child held an incredible talent for painting.
image by Asif Ref: Soul Psychology: Keys To Ascension by Joshua David Stone
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